*
Scene: the legal department at FIFA headquarters.
A room with two desks. At the desk nearest the door is the CLEVER LAWYER. At the desk by the window is the WISE LAWYER drinking her tea.
Suddenly a FIFA FIXER comes in.
*
FIFA FIXER:
Guys, we have a problem. We need to overturn the Balogun suspension. Orders from upstairs. You need to find us a solution.
CLEVER LAWYER:
Tough one. It was a direct red card? One match automatic suspension. Look here, see what it says.
And see that word “automatically”? That is there for a reason. The provision would also make sense without it, and so it is there for a reason. it is not just that “they will be suspended” but that they “will automatically be suspended”. No hearing, no investigation, no review, no appeal. Nothing more is needed. One thing shall follow the other.
For example, look at this other provision:
Just as the USA automatically qualified as being a host, a player with a direct red card is automatically suspended. “Automatically” is a strong word. We cannot pretend it is not there.
FIFA FIXER:
There has to be a way round it?
CLEVER LAWYER:
Well, there is another provision.
FIFA FIXER:
Go on…
CLEVER LAWYER:
…it is another code, see here. It says that a suspension may itself be suspended.
FIFA FIXER:
Brilliant! Let’s suspend the suspension.
CLEVER LAWYER:
You may face a challenge. So you will need to make it water tight - evidence, a process, published reasons, that sort of thing. Especially as you are interfering with an “automatic” process. It is not a get-out-of-jail card of general application.
FIFA FIXER:
Does it actually say there needs to be a process or reasons?
CLEVER LAWYER:
Well, no…
FIFA FIXER:
…then we can just assert we invoke it, and we have a solution.
CLEVER LAWYER:
Belgium may complain.
FIFA FIXER:
We can give them something to keep them quiet, keep their silence. [Pause.] What about a peace prize?
[Long pause.]
CLEVER LAWYER:
Ahem, if a Belgian challenge is successful, then the default is that the United States may itself face sanctions for fielding an ineligible player.
FIFA FIXER:
Ha ha, we can just suspend that sanction too, and so on. All the way down. Brilliant guys - so we can suspend the suspension?
CLEVER LAWYER:
Well, technically, perhaps but...
FIFA FIXER:
And should we suspend the suspension?
WISE LAWYER [puts down her tea]:
No.
***
Epilogue:
Thank you for this delightful imagining of the scene debating the suspension. You gave us a real chuckle...